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June 29, 2019

Charisma is Not Innate

Many of us have the misconception regarding charisma. “it’s either you have it, or you don’t.” How would you feel if I told you that indeed it is a misconception? Charisma is something you learn, not something you are born with.

It is a character trait that many of us wish we had, and others wish they could improve. Charisma is defined as a charm that can compel attentiveness in other parties. It mostly comes in handy when working in sales, recruitment, managerial positions, public speaking, and last but not least, in growing your connections.

There are 4 main factors that might help you improve and develop your charisma.

Presence more specifically, positive presence. Many of us have mastered the art of confidence and the art of grabbing people’s attention, but we sometimes fail to remember that any conversation, whether one on one, or one on many is a give and take. Just as you would expect everyone to acknowledge your presence and what you are talking about, others are expecting you to do the same. “It’s not about you” as Brett and Kate McKay explained. The main factor of being liked and perceived as a good person really is that simple. Just dial your ego down and make room for others to feel good about themselves too.

Confidence is a big factor in numerous phases of your life. Mind you, confidence is important, but you don’t want to come off as arrogant and stubborn. People should know that they are talking to someone who is confident about every word that is coming out of their mouth. For those of us who have a less confident character, it’s okay. You’ll get there with some practice. A really helpful exercise is reminding yourself about your positive traits. Use those positive traits to your advantage and let them guide you through your confidence. Also, wearing your favorite outfits and discussing topics you are well aware of can boost and maintain your confidence. Remember, it’s okay to engage in a conversation regarding a topic you have no knowledge about. Asking questions and displaying your curiosity is another factor in working on your confidence.

Conversations are the door to confidence, presence, and most importantly, charisma. Keep in mind that stepping out of comfort zone is what’s going to make you better. A few pointers to hold a good conversation include:

  • The most important thing is to always remember people names. it might seem unimportant or silly, but being more than just a person or number is really affective. It makes people feel like they are important.

  • Leaning closer to others, but not to close. You want to prove your presence but maintain a good amount of personal space.

  • Using hand gestures is a good attention grabber. It ensures that most eyes are going to be at you. Make sure that you don’t overdo it so that others attention is no longer at what you are saying rather than the gestures you are making.

  • Show passion with what you are talking about. Others should feel like they can trust what you are saying.

  • Humor is always a good thing. People usually remember a conversation in which they had a few laughs. You can also use humor to relate to others.

  • Share your own struggles and the ways in which you overcame them. People always need to be reminded that you are equal to them and that just like them struggle and feel bad about certain things.

  • listen to people talk. As mentioned earlier, a conversation is a two-way stream.

  • Body language is very important in portraying what you feel in a conversation. Sometimes mirror the other person can work. For example, repeating a few things they have mentioned can show the other person that you care enough and that you are actually listening.

  • Last but not least, ask questions. Simon Reynolds said it best. “Questions give you the perfect opportunity to be likable.”


Keep in mind that adopting a new trait or even enhancing it takes time. Go easy on yourself and remind yourself along the way why you initially decided to work on that specific trait.


Jade N. Kfoury
 

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